


Dear TJ

by youthfullyxhappy



Category: Andi Mack - Fandom
Genre: Happily ending, M/M, cute but sad, happy thoughts in there, mention of suicide, wrote awhile back
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-15
Updated: 2019-04-15
Packaged: 2020-01-13 14:51:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18471205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youthfullyxhappy/pseuds/youthfullyxhappy
Summary: Cyrus can’t find the words to talk to TJ during his hospitalisation so he writes him a letter





	Dear TJ

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this awhile back in tumblr but thought I’d put it here as well! This also has a slight mention of suicide in it but nothing heavy. If it does trigger you please do not read! Check out my tumblr @you-are-still-you-cyrus and any feedback is greatly appreciated

Dear TJ, 

 

While you’re reading this your head is probably laying down on a rough hospital pillow and your body is covered by the fuzzy blankets I brought to you three days ago. You’re probably wondering why I’m writing you a letter instead of a phone call, well the answers simple. The hospital monitors phone calls and this is more personable. I don’t really know how start this, that might be why I’m rambling on, I don’t want to say the wrong thing, well write the wrong thing. 

Do you remember when we were 14, and going into our freshmen year of high school? We were treading on the line of friends and more than friends. God, I never thought that I would actually being dating THE Theodore James Kippen. Do you remember that night when I was sleeping over at your house and you said “let’s sneak out.” I was so nervous, but at the same time I wanted to impress you. You packed a blanket and an extra hoodie in your bag and we climbed out the window, we headed to the beach. We held hands the whole 37 minute walk there, the only time we let go was when you talked with your hands. I hated it when you talked with your hands that night because I missed the feel of your soft skin on mine. We talked about everything and nothing all in one. I told you about my schedule that the school sent me and you told me about that book you just read. I was still in shock that you were a huge ass nerd. When we finally got to the beach we laid out the blanket you packed and sat on the sand. I laid my head down on your chest and both our hearts were beating abnormally fast. I’ll never forget the cheesiest words that you ever said to me “my heart only beats like this for you.” I knew at the moment that I was falling in love. I decided to take a leap faith and start leaning in to kiss you but, you had the same idea. This wasn’t our first kiss and it sure wasn’t going to be our last but it was special. It said everything we were scared to say and more. We stayed like that, exchanging kisses with the stars in the sky for a while, I felt safe, damn I never felt that safe before. When we pulled apart your eyes were sparkling and your smile was even more gorgeous than the night sky. You took my hand and said “Cy, let’s go skinny dipping.” I thought you were crazy. The only thing going through my mind was “I’m going to get hypothermia and die” but I was drunk on love and decided to go anyway. It was 1’ o’clock in the morning and we were running into the ocean, we were the only two people in the world at that moment. I wanted to stay in that one moment forever. Once we got out of the ocean we put out clothes back on and cuddled under the blanket. You whispered in my ear “Cyrus Joshua Goodman, I’m falling in love with you. Please don’t break my heart.” My reply is still the same today “I don’t plan on it.”

I guess I’m just going down memory lane because all I can think about right now is our freshmen homecoming dance. Do you remember how you asked me? You pulled a Troy Bolton and got the whole basketball team together. Every single player had a tshirt with a different letter and colour on it representing a rainbow, in spelt out “HOMECOMING?” I jumped into your arms with an excited yes.   
That Saturday couldn’t come fast enough. We were so excited. You told me the seniors on the basketball team said “Kippen, you don’t wear tuxes, you wear dress pants and a dress shirt. Got it?” We went out and both bought black dress pants, you bought a grey button down with a yellow tie, I got a yellow button down with a grey tie. Your mom wouldn’t stop taking pictures of us. At one point you yelled “MOM! I KNOW WE’RE THE CUTEST COUPLE AT GRANT BUT YOU GOTTA TAKE IT DOWN A NOTCH.” I kinda wish you took your own advice because you went haywire when we didn’t win homecoming court. When Melissa Jacobs and Josiah Grant won, you yelled “THIS IS HOMOPHOBIA!” Then we left. We went to Denny’s and shared the all you can eat pancakes and bottomless coffee. We were there until 12 am. I think that was one of my favourite nights. 

Christmas vacation our sophomore year. We’ve been together for a little over a year and I wanted this to be absolutely perfect for you. You told me that your Christmas will be perfect if you had me by your side. I went shopping for weeks having no clue what to get you until I saw it. It was a key chain that said “drive safe, I need you home. Love Cyrus.” I also got you a sugar cookie candle with our picture on it. We begged your mom for weeks to let me spend the night, and on the 22nd and she actually let me. We spent that whole night in a blanket fort watching Christmas movies (even though I’m Jewish) and stealing kisses. You snuck down to the basement and stole a bottle of wine out of your moms wine cabinet. We knew we could get caught but we didn’t care. We finished the whole bottle and by the end we were a laughing mess, I can’t believe we didn’t wake your parents. That night I fell asleep with my head on your chest and your arm around my body, the next morning I woke up with a hangover. I wouldn’t trade it for a thing. 

The summer going into our junior year of high school was magical. We went camping and hiking, we stayed up to see the sun rise. We picked flowers in flower fields and you taught me how to surf. I never thought I could fall more in love with you than I already was, but that summer proved me wrong.   
I’ll never forget that night when there was a knock on my window at 1:37 am. I got out of my bed wearing your oversized gym shorts and that’s when I saw you. You were wearing your glasses but, your eyes were still puffy from crying. I slowly tried to help you get into my bedroom, once you hit the floor the tears started rolling out of you. We sat there on the floor for what felt like centuries. You laid your head on my lap while I played with your hair and whispered calming things into your ear. Once your tears subsided I asked what was going on. Your answer was “I have no clue.” We spent the rest of the night cuddled in my bed watching re-runs of friends and eating cookie dough ice cream. The next day you went to the doctors and got on antidepressants. 

The few months following your doctors appointment were rough, but babe we got through them, and we learned to love each other even more. 

Then last week happened. You texted me and told me that you were staying home from school because “you weren’t feeling it” I understood. I went through the whole day knowing I was going to surprise you at home after school, but then I got a text message. The text said “I love you.” I knew I shouldn’t be worried about it, but I was. I left the school as soon as I read it and hurried to your house. It was only a 5 minute drive. The door was locked but luckily I knew where the spare key was kept, it was under the flower pot. I stepped into your yellow house calling out your name. I got no response. I went into your room and that’s where I saw you. I was so thankful, I thought you were just taking a nap so I thought I’d join you. That’s when I got closer and realised that was all a fantasy. You had pill bottles littering your floor. Your anti-depressant, sleeping pills, and some of your moms prescribed pain killers. I froze at the moment, I had no clue how bad it was. I called 9-1-1 and that’s when the words suicide attempt exited my mouth. The ambulance came fast, and I called your mom, she said she’d meet us at the hospital. The ambulance wouldn’t let me drive with them, I followed them in my car. I waited in the waiting room for 6 hours, on edge, we didn’t know if you were alive. The doctors finally came out and told us we could see you. When I saw you, tears fell out of both of our eyes. The only words coming out of your mouth was the repetition of “I’m sorry.” I said it then, and dammit I’ll say it again, TJ you have nothing to be sorry about. That night I spent the night in your hospital room, the next morning you were being transported to a hospital for teenagers with mental health issues. Your nurse told me that I shouldn’t see you everyday. It might make your recovery harder, and you need to find the strength to wake up in the morning. If you think I haven’t seen you in three days because I fell out of love with you, it’s the exact opposite. I haven’t seen you because I love you. I need you to get better Teej. The amount of times I’ve been in that parking lot a drove away is crazy, I’m hoping they don’t have security cameras because they probably think I’m stalking a patient. I need you to know that I love you. 

Theodore, I know these few months are going to be rough, but you can’t get rid of me that easily. I’m going to be here for you through your highs and lows, ups and downs. I’ll be there when you can’t sleep or when you feel like you can’t wake up. You are worth more than the stars in the sky, and I can’t imagine a life without you. You’re strong and brave and beautiful and miraculous. You’re going to get through this. And I’m going to love you through it all. 

I’ll see you tomorrow with some sweatshirts, sweatpants, pens and notebooks, I might even bring a coffee if they allow it. Then I won’t see you until you get out. 

Theodore James Kippen, I am so utterly in love with you. Hold on for me please. 

Love always,   
Cyrus


End file.
